


Your Name In My Lips,

by IamLurking



Category: Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: M/M, Spoilers for ch. 2, Trailer spoilers for third route
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-12
Updated: 2016-01-12
Packaged: 2018-05-13 10:07:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,563
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5703751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IamLurking/pseuds/IamLurking
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I would do anything for that to happen."<br/>The first time Joker was asked his name, the last, and the time in between.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Your Name In My Lips,

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers for support conversations, trailers, ch.2, and Joker's dialogue when joining army with M!Kamui. Ignores game as I haven't read game story and i'm avoiding plot spoilers so this is probably really off the mark ahah
> 
> Still forever salty we can't S-support Joker with M!Kamui.

He was alone in the great dark halls. He was alone, and already he heard hushed whispers of plans regarding him.

He kept silent, it let him listen to those whispers the better. If anything had been taught to him by his family, it was better to not be seen or heard at all, and yet see and hear it all.

"Are you new here?"

Red eyes like the rubies on the noblewomen's necks stared at him curiously. The boy was younger than him, hair unruly and features unlike any other person he had known. But he was the only one who had spoken towards him without ill intention so far. He nodded and the boy grinned.

"I am too! My big brother says I have grown and I can have a new room so I moved to this part of the castle!" He was bouncing excitedly, arms gesturing wildly as he spoke.

"It's also less cold than my old room! I like the cold but I don't like putting on too many clothes. Big sister says I will get sick but I still don't like them." He frowned and then shook his head, annoyed at the thought.

"Do you know where are you staying here?" He shrugged, he didn't even know if he was to stay here at all, and the child with red eyes stared at him curiously again.

"Really? Then...then what if you stay next to me? There's a lot of empty rooms here and I haven't chosen mine yet! You could stay with me." His smile was as big as his face could allow him and gestured with his hands to drive the point.

He stared at the other child for a while in disbelief. Stay here? Did he offer him to stay here, with him? His smile was infectious, but he was not even sure this child really had enough power to arrange living quarters for him. Despite that he nodded to accept and the other let out a sound of joy.

"My name is Kamui! What is your name?" The child, Kamui, looked at him with expecting eyes, waiting for an answer.

But he did not. 

* * *

 He did not know Kamui's father. Or hadn't known he knew, up to this point. He knew that the king had many concubines, one even had been from a distant branch of his own family, or so he had eavesdropped.

But he did not know the king was Kamui's father.

The king looked at him now, seated in his throne and he felt impossibly small, hands damp and anxiety prickling at the back of his neck as if he were about to fall.

The few days he had spent with Kamui had been enough to cement his decision. There was no place for him in the political scene, so much had he deduced when he found himself alone, and there were too many nobles of the court living in the castle. He hadn't had much interest beyond self preservation, but now he had a reason to expend every moment of his life and prolong it as long as possible.

"My king, I wish to serve prince Kamui." The carpet fell dull beneath his knees and it was hard to hold the king's stare. Conviction and nothing else left to use in his favor such as his name or position. The king finally gestured with a hand in acceptance and talked.

"Very well, you start tomorrow morning, and ask to the head maid to instruct you of your duties." He paused for a moment and looked at him, seemingly recognizing him.

"What is your name child?"

He would not let Kamui fall to this level, and he would ensure that the prince always had at least one final card to play.

"Joker, sir."

* * *

 The mirror was hung so high he only managed to see his bust reflected but he didn't care and triple checked his appearance for the fifth time that day. It took him a week to learn how to tie his uniform correctly and even time later, he still made mistakes.

Just yesterday he hadn't fastened properly his cravat and came loose in his frenzy at the kitchen, and he was mortified at having to fish it from that evening's stew. He grimaced at remembering it, at the very least Gunther hadn't caught him, else he would really have been in trouble.

Satisfied that not a hair was out of place he resumed his path and headed to the main room. Opening the door single-handedly was no longer difficult and balanced the tray he carried to do so.

Inside the carpeted room were many bookcases that reached the ceiling, numerous sofas and several small tables scattered in the large room, along with what looked like a pile of discarded cushions that seemed to belong to the sofas. He set the tray in one of the small tables and went for the pile of cushions, kneeling beside it and picking them up to return them to their proper place.

About halfway through his work the pile moved and from the rest of the cushions popped a disheveled head of hair and sleepy red eyes. Joker was used to retrieve him beneath piles of cushions, since half of the time he slept on the floor with the cushions and when asked, he told Joker sometimes he slept better on it than his own bed.

"You know master Kamui, your bed-"

"Is just next door I know, I know." The young prince stretched and rubbed his eyes for a moment, then climbed out of the remnants of the cushion pile and made way for one of the small tables. Joker trailed behind him and set the food neatly on top of it.

Kamui was halfway done with a piece of toast when a cup of tea appeared beside the plate. He still was half asleep so he didn't think twice about taking a sip and suddenly stopped. He looked at the cup's contents, sniffed it and took another sip without care, continuing to eat his breakfast. It took Joker some time to realize he had prepared coffee with the tea infuser instead of the blend he prepared every morning, and only because when he took back the cup instead of tea sediments there were coffee grounds.

Even if Kamui told him it didn't taste bad, only odd for the way it was prepared, he still felt mortified for the rest of the day. At this point he would have to to bring a checklist with him every day. 

* * *

 The dull sounds of metal hitting against metal reached Joker's ears by the time he stepped in the courtyard and it didn't take long for him to find the source of it. The young prince was currently sparring against one of the knights, in a tie by the looks of it. Gunther stood in one side, observing them both clearly and then noticed him. He had to contain the urge to make sure his attire was perfect, that old man would only be pleased at seeing him rattled.

Joker contained his fidgeting at the older man's stare. He was supposed to help prepare prince Kamui's bath for dinner tonight, but couldn't do so until Gunther freed him from practice, and it wasn't like he could demand he be released from it else he would be dragged into a match as well. Even if he had advantages with the hidden weapons over swords, he had no desire to face off against Gunter's weapons more than necessary.

A loud clang drew his attention back to the match and it seemed that his prince was gaining the upper hand, expression fierce with concentration as he swung the dull practice sword around. Joker couldn't help but be marveled over and over again, there was something singular in his poised forms and it had nothing to do with the old man's training. 

Perhaps the fact he refused to wear shoes made him more agile and grounded, he mused, but simply something to his figure in motion always drew eyes to him and nobody he had seen could do the same, only the other royal siblings came close, and then, only close. 

Eventually practice ended without a victor and he offered a towel for him to wipe off his sweat, which Kamui gratefully took with a smile and thanks. He still felt too excited whenever he received praise for a job well done, and suspected it would keep like that for a long time. He did not mind the strength of his admiration and feelings towards his young master, as he had come a long way to do a good job and praise meant he was well on his way to keep his goal ahead.

It was his reason to live after all.

* * *

Felicia had been sent to aid his lord in the practice match instead of him and he understood why, even if it stung. Despite his training, he only was nearly at Felicia's level in combat abilities by sheer will. She was much more adept at it than any of them three, so he supposed it balanced somewhat her awful housekeeping abilities.

He was not bitter towards her specifically, if anything he was almost glad she was chosen since he could trust her to do a better job in aiding his lord in the field. He was bitter towards himself, and his lack of ability.

'I should have been stronger. Strong enough to be chosen to aid him.' He thought while he finished sharpening his unused weapons.

He turned over his head the events of earlier in the evening. King Garon had only gotten more ruthless with age and he had almost ran towards his lord when he defied the king. Truthfully if it hadn't been for the gift of the sword earlier, he didn't think he might have lasted the blast of magic. His armor was no match for lord Marx's legendary weapon though, even if the blows had just been hesitant and glancing.

His lord Kamui had been attended by Felicia's staff earlier but still he took care of remaining gashes once he had retired to his quarters to bathe and sleep. He wore a tired expression on his face, and he suspected it hadn't been because of the strain of fighting. Eventually he decided to talk in the middle of Joker's duties of disinfecting and bandaging injuries.

"I understand why i was expected to kill them...but at the same time I don't." His posture was slouched and Joker could see the outline of his spine until it disappeared reaching the nape of his neck. Even if his shoulders were low, the muscles were hard with tension.

"I know we are at war with Hoshido, but they already had lost the battle!" He could see his arms tense up and his hands became fists. Joker stopped tending the moment Kamui lifted and turned his head to look at him. "If they were to die in the first place, why stage such theatrics such a long time afterwards? It doesn't seem right, it's not honorable." Joker had no words, so he reached instead with the wet cloth and cleaned foreign blood on Kamui's neck that had seeped through his armor.

It was easy to forget how sheltered his master had been all his life. He would never know about the fights for power as they happened before he had come to the castle, and he and the other servants and guards made sure he had never known of the few, but existent attempts on his life. Moments like this betrayed his upbringing and to another person he might have felt the need to tell them this was how things were and should accept them.

"Am I really on the right path Joker? Is the way of Nohr truly the right one?" His voice was just a whisper, but his red eyes were intense with doubts. Joker got up and kneeled in front of his master instead after that. After a moment, he finally answered.

"I do not know master Kamui. Nohr has been all i have known since birth." He paused, and cleaned a red angry line that ran from one shoulder to the outline of a rib. The cloth came back red from dried blood, and yet his eyes were still the stronger shade.

"...If there is one way, then it does not matter if it's wrong or right, since it is the only to follow. But you could decide to carve a different one, as you did today." 

He did not have the heart to tell him back then he would face much stronger opposition if he tried to do the same as today. But whatever path he decided to take, he would follow him through it, by whatever means necessary.

* * *

 "Tell me the truth." He enunciated each syllable harshly.

The silvery tray almost crashed to the ground and it's contents rattled loudly as Joker's whole body shook with anger. Gunther stood in the room Kamui was supposed to be in that moment, returned already and face alight ready to tell of his exploits outside.

"I did already, I saw it with my own eyes. Kamui took off and was chased by both armies, since he neglected to take a side." Joker took steps back and left the tray in a nearby table, afraid of dropping it if he heard it again.

"You are lying old man, tell me the truth!" The old man did not make jokes, but there was no way this was true.

"I am not lying, I was part of the vanguard that gave chase to return him. The last we saw of him, and of that woman and Felicia, was them jumping off the bridge into the valley." 

His anger dissipated, he sat into a nearby chair, afraid he might collapse and his legs give out on him, and cradled his head between his hands staring at the carpet. His lord had finally gotten permission to venture outside the capital and the first thing he managed to do was get kidnapped by Hoshido warriors. And after the attempt to retrieve him he had actually heeded Joker's advice, instead of choosing a side he denied them, and took off away from both.

He would have been proud of his master and overcome with joy, if it hadn't meant his master's apparent death. It was one thing to be chased by vanguards of the two biggest nations in the land, if incredibly slim he still might have had opportunity to escape.

But there was no escape from a free fall to the depths of a chasm.

He did not hear Gunther step out of the room or the door closing. The tea, and the fire going in the room eventually grew cold but Joker still remained in the same position.

In his attempt to aid him to stretch out his wings, he had doomed him to fall to his death.

* * *

 This time, the silvery tray did meet the floor and shards of porcelain scattered with a crash. Joker did not pay heed to it and instead took a step towards the knight in front of him.

"Are you certain you faced him in battle?"

"And they escaped from us as well. I thought he was dead but it must have been a stunt to stop us from chasing them back then. They must be hiding in the forests now, not long until our next search party gets to them, although maybe the nosferatu will eat them first." The knight sneered and his words lacked respect in tone but Joker could overlook it for now, because of the contents of those words.

His lord was alive and by what miracle he did not know. But by that miracle he had the chance to fulfill his word and as he picked up the mess left by his surprise he started to formulate a plan.

He had a vow to uphold after all.

* * *

 The interior looked every bit as amazing as the regal Nohrian architecture in the capital, but here he felt that there was actually _freedom_ to be had. What seemed to be the throne room was where he stood and even that was wide open, a vantage point to oversee the rest of the lands contained by the protective walls.

The buildings looked both Nohrian in architecture and what he assumed to be Hoshidan, since he had never actually been out of the capital. The mix of those styles didn't seem chaotic somehow, and couldn't help but think someone must have put great thought as to what build and where. He was entranced looking at the statues and nearest buildings he could see from this point, he turned his whole body when he heard the sound of armor jostled by walking and couldn't contain the relieved expression on his face.

He hadn't wanted to believe he was dead at first, and even with the assurance he had after talking to other soldiers who had either seen him or engaged with the forces his lord Kamui apparently commanded now, he still wished to assist him. The logical thing would have been to wait for his return, especially once he knew his siblings were joining his cause, and yet he could not stay still. 

Escaping from the castle and tracking the last place they had been seen was tough, but eventually he had found a strange creature akin a fish. It claimed it knew where to find Kamui, and that it would take him to where Kamui was. 

He had been wary at first, nosferatu were not the only monsters that roamed the lands but then he found himself here, and now he had in front of him the living proof his master still existed. He did not even catch the words that the small creature spoke to Kamui now, he just took steps closer towards him and he could see his shocked expression as well.

"Master Kamui, you're safe...I'm so relieved. I-I took care of the fortress while you were absent but...not being able to serve you is not for me." Elation filled him and words started to spill from him in excitement.

"I'm sorry it took this long but I finally got away from the castle, and I'm pleased to be able to put my services at your command again." He bowed, and missed the beginning of Kamui's wide smile.

"As usual, you worry too much!" When he got up from his bow, Kamui was in front of him and drew him into a firm hug, and he was astonished by the display of affection. From the smile he caught before being blocked by his hair and the warm arms around him, it all added into incredulity. His master was grateful he had returned, and although praise always was his source of happiness, this was entirely different.

"Well, it does not matter now that you are here is it? Besides," He let go and Joker still stood entranced by the kind smile in his face. He did not remember such an open expression before, and he couldn't help but be marveled by the whole change in demeanor in his lord. 

"I missed you too Joker."

* * *

 "Really? Alright, who am I facing?"

Were it not the voice that came from the open door, Joker wouldn't have stopped polishing silverware and he wouldn't have glanced out of the doorway into the mess hall.

He also wouldn't have seen the figure of the young prince striding to the table and sitting across one of Takumi's retainers. From a while ago he heard the cheers from his apparent string of victories and Hinata was still undefeated, but he hadn't bothered to check the spectacle until now.

The samurai gave him his back, so Joker could catch a glance of his lord's face and determined expression as the match began. It only lasted a few seconds, resulting in a win for Hinata again who cheered with the ones supporting him in the crowd. Kamui let out a disappointed noise but then laughed, congratulating Hinata with a slap in the back and a joyous grin that made Joker still every time he saw or heard expressions of joy like those. 

He had lost count of how many had he seen and heard since he came to the castle (though not by lack of trying) and each still made him react alike the first time he had seen such display. It was as if his master was a completely different person and it awed Joker because he seemed truly happy for the first time, nothing he had seen in Nohr from his master compared to even this small moment and it only made him more determined to protect this new source of his well-being.

So determined to return to his work and give it all for his lord, he missed the red eyes watching him intently and his walk back to the room he was before.

* * *

There was a dark shadow, something pale, and something red in front of his blurry vision. He stared for a while while his vision came back and he wondered why was he seeing a face instead of a pillow if he had just gotten up. It took him even longer to recognize he was seeing his lord's face and remember the string of events. 

"Ah! Are you alright Joker?"

He had fainted of course, happiness from praise coming from his lord had a limit on his body and it seemed it had finally reached it. How could he not be overwhelmed, when he was told from his lord himself he resembled him? If there was a higher praise to be had, he did not know.

"I...believe so master Kamui." The relief in Kamui's face was immediate and Joker felt he could faint again. It was much safer to do so now that he was closer to the ground and as he processed that thought he realized he was not quite exactly on it, not all of him at the very least.

Kamui was crouched, holding him up with one arm underneath his shoulders and back and he might have been blinded by the overhead lights if they hadn't been blocked by his lord's face. He slowly moved his legs and tried to get back on his feet, hand on the prince's shoulder to steady himself even after he was to his full height once again.

He was so close he felt metal plates dig slightly into his clothing, enough to feel it even through all the layers of his shirts and vest. He could smell tea and heat and flowers. He could feel a lingering hand holding his shoulder without purpose. There was warmth radiating from the few places that touched him that were not metal and from warm breaths reaching his face and neck just before they dissipated completely. He was dizzy, but did not know how much of it was because of collapsing.

"I'm glad, after all I really am hopeless without you." Red eyes and a kind smile greeted him, and for a long moment all he could do was stare.

Now he stared at the ceiling in his room, still feeling the sensation of arms holding him up even when he had a bed underneath him. He still felt the sensation of warm breaths on his face and neck even when they were exposed only to cold air from the night, and if he closed his eyes, he could imagine that when he opened them, he would find the kindest expression greeting him with happiness.

'Oh.'

* * *

 "You cannot! But why?"

He had truly meant for this to remain hidden, he truly had. He suspected that even from a long time ago he already had these feelings, but his lord distancing himself because of his newfound duties had ironically only made them grow closer. 

Could he have avoided this? Possibly, but now his face was burning with shame and disappointment, his tongue was tied and his chest ached with the yearning to just reach and erase the panicked expression his prince had. 

"You mean the most to me master Kamui, as your servant, and as a man." But he had not avoided this, and now he had to pay the consequences of not keeping silent, of not putting on a good enough facade.

"I...love you, but it is unforgivable for me to feel this way towards you, for a butler to feel this way towards their master. I am truly sorry it has come to this point, but I must put distance between us." He could survive this. He had survived the few weeks he had thought his master was dead, and he had the certainty he wasn't now.

If it was for the sake and well-being of his lord, he could do anything.

"But I do not want you to do this, you do not have to!" Kamui took a step towards him and he kept the distance the same. His face changed from panicked to desperate and Joker had to remind himself to stay determined, it would be for the best. Kamui was undeterred and took another step towards him, quick enough that he held his shoulders and prevented him from taking another step back.

"You said it yourself...you would not be the same if we were separated and I know that I would be hopelessly lost without you. I..." Pink blossomed across the bridge of his nose and his expression looked uncertain. Shy even, and it seemed he had been about to say something but had not been able to let it out and hesitated.

"Master Kamui-" Joker had intended to use that opportunity to escape, but his words were slow enough to let Kamui finish what he had intended to say in the first place.

"...I love you too." The color had spread to his cheeks and he still looked shy, but his eyes were determined and Joker was afraid he had collapsed again because the words he had heard could not be real.

"...could you repeat that?" Kamui's blush intensified and yet Joker felt he still was the redder of the two.

"I love you Joker. You were always with me and i'm foolish to just have realized recently how special your presence was to me. So please..." a gloved hand reached to touch his cheek but stopped just shy. Hesitating, Kamui was about to withdraw his hand when Joker's own reached and pressed the hand against his skin.

"You've said you love me lord Kamui...I'm not dreaming? Because it feels as if I am." Joker murmured, unable to do anything but rejoice at those words. His lord had not only accepted his feelings, but reciprocated them fully! Truly, his eyes could not believe what he was seeing either, and he was afraid a clock would ring and wake him up at any moment.

"I cannot continue to serve you as your servant, but now...could I stay at your side as your partner in life? Not as your butler, but as your husband?" Joker marveled at the shy expression that insisted in facing him despite the obvious embarrassment he felt, and he felt a thousand times lighter as he saw a smile spread on the other's face.

"Yes...yes of course!" 

Kamui's face was joyous and although it still was red, his shy expression had morphed to one of complete happiness, and Joker could feel a similar one taking place on his own. His arms came to embrace the other, bringing him close to his own body, almost shaking with the intensity of the happiness he felt in that moment.

"Ah...thank you lord Kamui. I had dreaded to speak these words, but now...I'm glad I did."

* * *

The peaceful atmosphere that could be felt in the castle was not really the reality of their situation and he was reminded harshly every time of it whenever there was even a skirmish with their troops.

Kamui was more joyful than he remembered, but the burdens of being a leader still showed up and tried to drag him down. Today was a quiet day, meant for recovering after recent skirmishes and it was always one of the worst, since it involved him at the war table reviewing over and over for countless hours what went wrong and how to compensate for it.

Joker knew Kamui would never run from the responsibility and consequences of his decisions, but dwelling on the things he could have done was incredibly draining.

He had made sure to watch the skies like a hawk for the smallest hint of bad weather all day and the sun had been high in the sky when he had finished his preparations, satisfied nothing unexpected would happen regarding the weather for at least another hour. Or so he had thought and now he was currently taking shelter from the moderate rain underneath a tree with Kamui. 

He silently mourned the pastries he had made and were getting soggy by the minute, exposed to the water and air. Kamui wasn't put out by the rain and instead looked at the water bouncing from the grass and other trees, startled when a drop landed on his face and bumping slightly into Joker, effectively snapping him out of his mourning.

"You know, this is actually quite nice, putting aside the fact we'll probably get wet if it keeps up for much longer." Even with the heaviness that usually accompanied these days, with the rain dampening their plans, there was a small smile on his face and Joker still marveled every time that that they were directed to him.

"Let us hope it doesn't, getting sick on our free time does not seem like a good idea..." The drop of water slid down Kamui's nose and reached a corner of his mouth. Joker was too tempted to wipe it away and he stepped closer, gauntleted hands coming to rest on the low curve of his back. The other looked surprised by the action but leaned in the touch, hands settling on Joker as well.

"Would it be alright if I kissed you?" Joker's voice was a whisper and he could feel his beloved's warmth around him. Kamui answered by leaning the rest of the way and kissing him, lips shyly pressing against his and then gaining confidence to deepen the touch. Everything but Kamui ceased to exist in Joker's senses and he let out a shaky breath when they finally separated.

"I still can't believe...that you're mine." It was barely a murmur whispered against lips and he could feel them morph into a smile and kissing him again. The rain had lessened to a light drizzle but he had no intentions now to leave this place, wrapped up in the arms of his beloved.

He always strived to lift his mood on these days, even if only a small gesture was to be made.

It was the least he could do anyhow. 

* * *

The horizon threatened to color itself pink but Joker did not pay heed to it. They didn't need to be up at least for some hours, and as they got closer and closer, their time together grew shorter and shorter. These days almost everything seemed to be in a frenzy so quiet moments like these were incredibly precious.

He traced with a finger the slightly raised line of skin that ran from a shoulder to an outline of a rib, and continued to trace an intersecting scar near the end of it towards his midline. He remembered caring for this very scar, so long ago it threatened to become a hazy memory. He did not remember the intersecting one, and it had been already there the first time he had seen his lord's torso after they reunited.

His legs were tangled and his foot nudged a calf before settling against it. Kamui still ran gentle fingers through his hair, braids undone and silver hair gently falling over his back and shoulders and then Joker spoke.

"You are my light Kamui. I would not be Joker were it not because of you, so please," And he held Kamui's face between his hands, his own close enough that he could feel his warm breath on his lips, the hands at his waist twitching to bring him closer.

"-do not depart from me. To do so at this height...i could not-" He stopped himself, as even saying it out loud was unthinkable. One of the hands gently entwined in his hair came to rest at his face, thumb brushing over his cheek lightly and Joker found the motion soothing.

"I left you once, but I have no plans of doing so again. I can promise you that." Kamui's eyes were serious and through all the visions he'd had of the strength of their enemy, the conviction in the other's voice and eyes squashed those fears, even if only for this moment. Joker closed his eyes and pressed his face against the curve of his beloved's neck, breathing out words of thanks and tightening his arms in a possessive hold. Kamui hummed at the sound and continued running his fingers through his hair and over his skin, closing his eyes and trying to think about only them, and this moment they shared.

Outside, dawn finally broke through the horizon, coloring the sky pink and the last light they would see in many days started to filter through the curtains. 

* * *

The wind was howling with the extreme pull of the vortex and like most of them, could only stare astonished at it. It was as if the sun had collapsed and imploded, a bright ring around the inky depths of what it had been, suddenly obscured by an inhuman head. He had seen wyverns up close, but this did not resemble what he thought was a dragon. Only Kamui's transformed state came close, and this was still leagues away from resemblance.

It seemed to stare at all of them with it's multiple eyes at the same time, and then focused them on a single spot. He followed it's sight and realized it stared at Kamui.

There was a roar in the air and the fall of the debris around them increased, as if the remnants of the building had been crushed by the very sound waves, left loose for the portal to swallow. He was almost pushed back by the wave but managed to stay on his feet. Kamui had used his sword to anchor himself to the ground and now was pulling it out to enter in a defensive stance, adding panic and disbelief to Joker's emotions in that moment.

There was no way he thought of defeating that dragon by himself, it was insane! He tried to yell, to take a single step, but he could not. Every step forward he took, the winds made him take three back, and the roar of the vortex and the dragon rendered his voice silent even to his ears.

He screamed in frustration, but nobody could hear him. What worth was he if he could not even aid him in battle? If he could not reach him and fight at his side?

He tried to take another step and was knocked to his feet by the wind, knocking the breath out of him as he landed on his side and feeling something dig painfully into his ribs. He grasped around for it, fearing he had landed on a jagged piece of debris but only found a smooth healing staff. It was used, but not excessively so, gauging it had more than half it's utility left and that was what prompted Joker to stand up again.

He could not fight at his side, but he had vowed to not let him be defeated if he could help it.

He would not let him fall. Not even once.

* * *

The sky lightened by the moment back to a peaceful blue and the dust in the air started to settle lower and lower. In contrast, figures that had been crouching or hunched because of the strength of the winds started to rise, heads poking out of the dust cloud as cheers started to sound all around them.

Joker's staff was cracked and out of uses, grasped loosely in one hand. With each step he got closer to the figure standing at the northernmost part of the land they were. He was covered in dust and breathing heavily, but his sword shone with the returning light and his red eyes seemed to light up from the inside. His armor was almost torn apart and his cape was almost nonexistent at this point but he still commanded the most impressive figure of them all, drawing all their eyes towards him.

The steps eventually registered in Kamui's hearing and he turned back, smile spreading at the sight of him as he too started to walk closer and Joker was held up in a strong embrace, laughter spilling from both of their lips in joyous celebration. His staff made a dull sound as he dropped it to the ground to grasp Kamui's face in both of his hands and land both relieved and ecstatic displays of affection. He did not need it anymore, he had done all he could.

And this time, it was just enough.

* * *

"You once told me you would not be Joker were it not because of me."

His lover's eyes were closed and he would have thought Kamui was asleep until the silence was interrupted. It took him a second to remember what did he mean, and even longer to remember who was he supposed to be.

All those years seemed so long ago, but it had been only a short half-lifetime ago that it had happened. After all the strife and hardship, it was all too easy to put it past him, here in the embrace of his beloved. Outside, the sun gently blocked by the shade of leaves and a few wispy clouds being the only company that came and went to them. Kamui had almost been lulled by the gentle breeze and the sound of running water when he heard words against his ear and opened his eyes again, looking at the other man.

"I was not Joker- in the beginning at least. I decided to become so after I met you." The wind played with their hair and Kamui's hands tucked a stray lock behind his hear, hand lingering against his cheek and he couldn't help but lean on the touch.

"You meant the world to me since then, and I was more than glad to cast away all. It was not as if my name would have aided you then, when it had even less weight than myself in that moment." He spoke after a pause, eyes closed for a moment to savor the touch of Kamui's hands on his skin and opened them again. Those curious red eyes looked at him intently, kind smile directed at him and inquisitive, but not really expecting an answer.

"What was your name?" 

And yet he did.

**Author's Note:**

> Personally i like the headcanon that Joker's real name is Jakob and that was supposed to be an idea for another small drabble but it spiraled out of control and became this.
> 
> I had almost all of this written before i decided to check Gunther's supports to double check though, so they don't match at all in that sense i'm sorry.
> 
> We're one month to go please hit me i can't stand it.


End file.
